Courting...Dating...Whatever...

Whenever my family asks me why I'm not married or don't have a girlfriend I always want to respond, "'Cause I'm a Christian." They wouldn't get it but I do and I would laugh and then cry to the sad commentary that is my life.

I've been spiritually raised in a church that has operated as a good amount of other churches have in regards to dating: The courting process. As I have grown this is what I learned about it. When you are single you cherish it because it's you and God. You're growing and maturing as a person as well as a child of God. During this process you're bound to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex, or the same sex if you're a Methodist or Dave (I keed, I keed), but it's you're duty to heap upon yourself heavy doses of guilt for doing so. If that doesn't work then you confer with your mentor if to see if you are ready for that next step of courting. Courting is differentiated by dating in the fact you're looking for a real commitment. Not just dating to have a significant other but looking for something serious possibly leading to marriage. If you are ready as deemed by your mentor or if the person of interest is and all checks and balances are done then you can start the courtship.

The courtship is like dating and can become a nightmare for those involved but freakin' hilarious to all bystanders. Most courtships I've witnessed the couple is normal. They go out on dates, become sickening to watch, and alienate friends. Importantly, though, they do set up boundaries necessary so as to keep purity an aspect of the relationship because they have committed it unto God. Some courtships have made me stracth my head. Instances where one of the persons dating would want a chaperone along or the only form of physical touch would be side hugs...in public...in between the hours of 11:00am and 1:03pm...on the weekends.

I know each church is different and I'm glad I've been able to witness various cultures of dating within the Christian world. It's great to see the diversity and that there is no one way of the love process. One common theme that I see are good, well placed boundaries such as no sex before marriage, no sleep overs, and no watching "A Walk to Remember" till marriage. I'm all for boundaries 'cause God know's I need them. But I'm NOT a big fan of the micormanaging that I've seen many a church gravitate to. This is my beef. If a person has a genuine relationship with God and is interested in someone who is not a stripper, satanist, or a suc alumni then should a spiritual leader stop them from dating? I know there is a lot of preemptive strikes in the name of people "not getting hurt" but c'mon! Pain is not that bad!

Why are we so afraid of people making mistakes and getting hurt? Boundaries are there so that there would be no sexual activity prior to marriage and I feel that is the only real issue to worry about (I may be wrong but I'm writing off the cuff). But heartache? What's wrong with that? Is there a fear that heartache would lead to a backsliding from God? If that's the case then there were deeper issues than a romantic relationship gone sour that should have been attended to. When do we cross the line from being a concerned friend offering our advice to a micromanager trying to play God for the "best" interest of those involved? I've liked girls, had my heart broken, and know what? I actually got CLOSER to God because of it. Like all failures you learn from them and are stronger for it. Relationships are no different and they are one of the most powerful!

What hurts the most will cause the most introspection and impetus to change. Why would God get pissed when ever the Israelites went to idols? It was because duriing their times of crises they sought refuge from their pain in the idols. God wanted them to come to HIM for peace, salvation, and all other answers. It's when we go through our pains and trials that we know where our relationship with God lies. Do we go to Him? Same with relationships. We get hurt, so our world ends. Life sucks. We put on our favorite movie, eat whatever makes us feel better, and hope it puts us into a coma for a few days. But, where do we ultimately go when our hearts our broken? When we have our dreams shattered? If it's God then you're in a good place. If in your accomplishments, your relationships, your possessions then there might be a problem. The aforementioned are not bad but if you find your salvation in them then there's a problem.

Really the dating issue is a microcosm of a major issue in the church today. Are we willing to trust God to be leading others' lives? Are we willing to trust others to be following God so as to not mircomanage their lives? I admit some people need help in the beginning and show them the ropes. Sometimes they'll have to go through a spiritual bootcamp of sorts to get them out of their detrimental habits and onto a lifestyle more conducive to relating to God and following His ways. But if we are to truly equip and teach the body of Christ that implicitly means those we've equipped and taught will then be able to live self-sustaining lives. To be honest I don't want the responsibility of managing someone else's life when I have my own to worry about. Besides, if I can't influence them from the moment they're born then controlling their lives at 35, 23, heck 15 would be insane! Let's live life, offer advice when needed and led by the Holy Spirit, and trust God actually speaks/leads others as well. Novel thought, eh?